#39 twohundrednineteen days

| r |

That’s how long I’ve been gone.

That’s how long my great granddaughter was here, in my place.

My dearest Rielle,

First let me apologize for the pain and hurt I have caused you. From what I read, I can tell you are a resilient, strong person and I am glad you did so well under the circumstances. However, it was never my intention to put you in this position in the first place, please believe me. Had it occurred to me that I was dragging someone else into my endeavors, I would have reconsidered! I hope you made it back as well as I did and can read these lines almost a century from now.

 

 

When I read your journal for the first time, I was slightly embarrassed to read my words in there. Very private, very convoluted. Even I didn’t intend to read them ever again after putting them on paper, let alone have them published. But be that as it may, I am the one responsible for the mess I put you in, I have no right to be upset with you. You did what you thought was right, and in the end it was what brought you in contact with Sid, so it was probably for the best.

I will tell you about all the things I encountered, but let me first recount my journey back: The instant I returned, it felt like something returned to me. Something I hadn’t even realized was missing, as if a hunger I had forgotten about was being stilled. The travel itself was much more peaceful than I remembered from the last time. Maybe it was because I was prepared for what I was getting into, maybe my body remembered it. In any case, because of this, it was easier to pay attention to small details I missed on the trip forward.

There are a few major differences; your body is surrounded by bright blue while traveling into the future, traveling back is accompanied by a dark red shine. It could have something to do with the Doppler effect. The metallic taste occurred both times, but while traveling back smells like dust, traveling forward smelled like a stormy ocean. What I really noticed was that all of the sensation stayed in the neurological phase. I can’t remember feeling my body or skin at all. That might be a protective reaction by the brain though, given that the body is inadvertently transforming in this process – basically being taken apart and put together again as a different person.

My cells don’t feel different at all, not like they were just part of my great grand daughter… I started the first journey in July 28 2018. I remember distinctly that there was a heavy thunderstorm crowding Berlin’s sky and I had this nostalgic association of Victor Frankenstein, supercharging his monster to life. It’s laughable, compared to the amount of energy it took to bring my monster to life, but a little romantic none the less. Also, in case things went wrong, I could always blame the weather.

I am joking of course. I was a nervous wreck, and if I had had an honest talk with Sid at the time, he would have advised me not to attempt an experiment like that, not in the condition I was in.

But we did all the footwork, all the calculations, tweaking the energy flow and the prism diversions, so a certain kind of get-there-istic pigheadedness kept pushing me forward. Still, with the frightening half burned, half frozen carrot still fresh in my memory, I began to calibrate early in the morning and was set at around 3 in the afternoon. Our calculations had estimated a survival rate of 83,1%, which isn’t too bad in pioneer terms. However, the statistic depended on a few variables, which were more of, let’s say, informed guess work. In the worst case, the chances could drop to below 17,4%. Sid and I were basing the whole idea on a multiverse variation. That’s how I would switch with a future version of myself, from a universe in which I did not choose to travel.

As you all know by now, that’s not how things worked out. I am not convinced the multiverse theory is wrong. However, in this version I traveled through a timeline where I did take the journey so the machine stayed vacant, preserved in my uninhabited studio, time capsuled by Sid’s finances, until my great granddaughter decided to investigate my disappearance and triggered the switch between me and her. I wonder what happened to me in the timelines where no one came to switch with me? But I don’t dare wonder for too long. The thought of being trapped mid-travel seems horrific.

The week back here has grounded me, but I still get light headed sometimes, remembering the future. I will get into further detail about the things I saw and found, but I’ll need a few more days to recover first and will write you next Sunday in the rhythm Rielle set.

In any case, I would like to invite whoever has been reading and helping my great granddaughter, to see what all the fuss is about. I am planning to set up some things in my studio to give you context and hopefully an impression of the time I traveled to. You are very welcome to visit.

 

See you soon,

Ben

 

 

 

See you soon,

Ben

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